in my mind there was such chaos
there’s no adequate description
there were voices that were screaming
this demonic, dark conscription
through the night i wandered, helpless
through the heat of every noon
full of misery and fury
i walked among both grave and tomb
then one morning i was wandering
voices loud again with rage
held a rock in broken fingers
same old story, same old page
when the voices reached a thunder pitch
my eyes were barely cracked
i saw a boat come sailing in
i hit my knees, cruelly attacked
i cannot tell you how it started
only this one thing i know
that something called me to the Man
and i had no choice but to go
i walked toward Him limping slowly
barely remember the words spoken
but i tell you truly, truly
that’s the day my chains were broken
you may never understand
unless you’ve wandered with the voices
what a holy silence feels like
not a word, no other noises
there was peace and there was quiet
no more bruising in my ears
and all the tender places stomped on
all these awful lonely years
oh you cannot understand
unless you’ve felt it on your own
to be surrounded by malevolence
lonely in a crowded home
and how i wanted to go with Him
desired with all of my new soul
He told me not this time my son
go tell them how I made you whole
and so i wander now again
but lonely, no, oh no, i’m not
i tell whomever who will listen
of the goodness of my lot
i was a wandering, lonely outcast
broken by the crush of sin
i was just waiting for my death
when He broke through, when He came in
there were a thousand ugly voices
used to torture me for fun
but He made peace in my dark war
i listen now to only One
This morning I was listening to the story of the demon-possessed man from the Gerasenes in Luke 8. It’s not hard to put myself in his place. I, too, had a season of wandering in the tombs, a thousand voices screaming inside my head, tormenting me without end.
And then He called me, and I had no choice but to go.